#45 - Nothing

Yes, this song IS in the New Moon movie... No, I did not know it at the time that I picked it... don't judge =P lol

Meet Me At the Equinox - Death Cab For Cutie


The phone went to a dial tone, and I finally hung it up. I couldn’t believe that that had just happened, how was it possible that even Beth was angry at me?
Of course she wasn’t really mad at the fact that I was dating Alex - or had been - and had lied to everyone about it; she was mad that I hadn’t told her.
‘We’re suppose to tell each other everything, and you didn’t think that was important enough to mention?’, she had hissed when I told her what had happened the night before.

I had called her because I needed someone; someone to talk to, someone to figure things out with.
Now I didn’t even have Beth. I had nothing.

I left out a long sigh, staring out at the back parking lot as I sat, defeated, on the stairs. I watched the cars driving past the gates, heading off to their destinations as I sat unmoving, no where to go, no one to talk to.
Almost no one. I grinned slightly as I saw Mike pull into the parking lot, pulling his Lamborghini into an empty spot before hopping out.

He saw me instantly, giving me a huge grin as he jogged towards me. “Hey Jes, what are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? I thought you guys had the day off…?”

“I just came to workout, suppose to be meeting Brooks at the gym. So, what’s up? You look like shit… no offence.” He added sheepishly as he sat down beside me.

I bit my lip and turned to look at him. “You don’t know?” He shrugged his shoulders, still staring at me with expectation. “Alex found out about my dad. About Sidney.”

“Shit, how did that happen?”

“They ran into each other last night…” I explained, not wanting to go into detail about the worst night of my life.

“Huh. You think he would have called to tell us something about that… where is he anyway?” He asked innocently, looking around as if he was expecting Alex to pop out from behind the garbage bin.
I closed my eyes and looked away as I felt heavy tears forming under my lids. “Jes?”

“He’s gone. I think he broke up with me.” I sobbed, feeling Mike’s strong arm slid around my shoulders, hugging me against him.

“What did he say?” He asked softly, rubbing his hand along my arm.

I shrugged, the tears finally falling freely down my cheeks. “I don’t know he just… he left and… he won’t answer my calls…”

“Ok well… I’m sure it’s not that bad. I mean really, Ovie’s gonna realize that this isn’t that big of a deal. It’s not like you were cheating on him or something… you just… left out a few details about your dad. That’s not so bad.”
The way he said it made it seem so simple; and I almost believed it was going to be ok. Until I remembered the look on Alex’s face when he left.
I shook my head, trying to make him feel the devastating effects that last night had had on our relationship.

Mike pulled out his phone and hit a few numbers before holding it up to his ear. “Ovie? Yah… what happened last night?” He asked as I sat up, staring at him with wide eyes. “So… well… I think you’re over-reacting. So what? Are you mad about Mario or Sidney?
Uh… how do I know about Sidney?” Mike looked over at me, an apologetic look on his face. “Jespin sort of told me a while ago… who she was…
Look Alex, it’s not that big of a deal. Ok! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but that doesn’t…” He let out a loud sigh, shaking his head as Alex’s voice cut crossly through the phone. “Whatever, fine. I’ll talk to you later.” He snapped his phone shut and glanced at me again.
“I think he just needs to cool off.” He said finally, giving me a sad smile. He pulled me back into a hug and we continued to sit in silence.

“Do you ever feel like there isn’t a single person in the entire world that loves you anymore?” I asked quietly as Mike walked me to my car; after finally having decided it was best if I wasn’t here when Alex showed up.

“Jes-”

“No Mike, it’s true. Alex, dad, Sidney… why am I so selfish?”

He shook his head, hugging me on last time. “You’re not selfish and they all still love you… they just probably need some time I mean, this is kinda big.” He chuckled, releasing me and pulling open my door.
“I’ll talk to him, alright? See if I can’t talk some sense into him. You take care of your dad. Just remember that he’s your dad so… he has to love you on principle.” He said smugly before closing my door for me.

I groaned as I watched him jog back to the VC, hoping that this conversation wouldn’t be the death of me.
I couldn’t possibly talk to Sidney about it today, but I could try and patch things up with dad; I probably owed him the biggest apology of all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Hockey Night In Canada - Pens vs. Caps

I knew what Mike had been trying to do, but it didn’t have any effect on me; I already knew that I needed to let Jespin go, give her what she wanted.
I needed to focus on tonight, at least try and make it look like I wanted to be here.

Normally hockey had always been my sanctuary, the ice, the fans, the game; tonight it felt like hell. It all reminded me of her.
Jespin had taken over almost every part of my life, changing it, and now there was no going back; it was like being haunted.

I skated past the Pens bench and felt all their eyes following me. I could see Crosby out of the corner of my eye; he looked like a man with something to prove - as if he hadn’t already stole the most important thing from me.


We were being crushed. Apparently the entire Pittsburgh team felt the need to dominate the game; although it wasn’t too hard to dominate a game when the other side didn’t want to win. Or at least I didn’t want to win.
I just wanted to get away from here, from this place, from everything that reminded me of her. I needed to go back home; the only part of my life that she hadn’t managed to filter in to.

Everyone was angry, yelling at me, but I didn’t give a shit. I was numb and I preferred it that way. “What the fuck is wrong with you tonight Alex?! Get out there and DO SOMETHING!” Coach screamed at me as I felt his hand slam into the back of my helmet.
I hopped out of the bench and on to the ice; glancing at the clock. There was still eight minutes in this game and I wasn’t sure I could make it.
I hated being around Crosby; hated watching him touch the puck and skate past me.

My mind was screaming at me to stop him, to knock him out. I wanted to inflict pain on him until he was physically able to comprehend the suffering that was consuming me; but I couldn’t.
Some where out in that crowd of black and white was Jespin; and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her. If I took Crosby out, she would be upset, and even though she wasn’t mine anymore; I didn’t want her to be upset.



Our Cup run was over, and that meant only a few more days till I could go home. I’d have to come back once for the NHL award show, but other than that I could hide out in Russia until the start of next season.
Hopefully putting an ocean between us would help ease the pain; it was a fruitless thought, but I couldn’t stand to think about the long months I had ahead of me.

I answered the media questions quickly, without my usual flare; trying to sneak out the back before anyone noticed. “Not so fast!” I groaned as I turned around to see Brooks and Greener following me.

“Fuck off guys, I’m not in the mood.”

“Jesus, since when did you become such a fucking pussy?” Brooks spat, glaring at me as they moved forward.

I sighed and shook my head. “Just stop Brooks.”

“No I won’t stop! We just lost that fucking game because you’re off in ‘Everyone-Feel-Sorry-For-Ovechkin Land’. Some of us would have liked to make it to the finals you know?” I shrugged, turning back around. “Why won’t you just go talk to her?" Brooks pressed on. "You’re both moping around, like always. This always happens… one of you does something wrong and then you’re both too stubborn to do anything about it."

"And we’re the ones that have to pay for it.” Greener added, softer.

“Look. There’s no point having this conversation with you. She already made her choice… I have to respect that.” I said, taking a deep breath.

Brooks cursed again, shaking his head. “First off, she’s not with Crosby, Mike already told you that this morning. And second, since when the fuck do you respect anything?”

“There’s nothing I can do-” I started to say, taking another step towards the exit, but Brooks cut me off.

“Umm… yah there is. Go get your woman! Fucking Christ. Go club her over the head and drag her back to your cave, or whatever the fuck it is you people do! Just stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

Brooks shrugged at Greener, both of them looking proud of themselves. “That it?” I asked sarcastically, reaching out for the door.
They nodded, and I pushed it open, letting it slam behind me as I headed towards my car.