#41 - Differences

Pretty Girl - DRH ---> I seriously love this song! I wanted to use it somewhere so I swung this update around to try and make it fit... hope you like it!


I had no idea what was going on with Jespin; what could possible cause her to react that way - to anything.
Sure she was stubborn and horribly frustrating but at the same time; she was usually more rational than that.
Whatever it had been, it seemed to be in the past now; at least I hoped it was; I hated seeing her in pain.

I had a photo-shoot with SI before the start of the series, and Jespin was beside me, riding shotgun as I cruised through the streets of downtown Washington. She was smiling and chatting away as I listened along, searching for a hint of sadness in her voice; there was none.


“Alright Alex, I think that’s gonna be it. Good luck with the series… hopefully you’ll be bringing the cup home for us.” I grinned as I moved away from the models around me to shake hands with the photographer, Adam.

“I’ll see what I can do.” I chuckled, grabbing a water bottle off the nearby table and making my way over to Jespin.
She was leaning back against the wall in the far corner, her arms folded protectively over her chest; self-consciously.
She didn’t notice me as I made my way to her, causing me to grin more. She looked beautiful, the lights above her illuminated her skin; giving it a mysterious glow as she shifted back and forth below them.
She was focused on something, her face creased with worry. I stopped walking and turned to follow her line of sight.

The blond, interchangeable models were laughing as they headed off the set; still dressed in their tiny, tight outfits.
I glanced over at Jespin and then once more at the girl, comprehension finally dawning on me. Could she really be worried about them? She’s way prettier than any of those girls…
I guess it only made sense for Jespin to be worried about it though, for whatever reason she seemed to be under the impression that she was something other than perfect.

I didn’t say anything as I walked up beside her. She was so focused on her own thoughts that she didn’t notice me as I bent down, planting a firm kiss on her cheek. “Oh!” She jumped, colour flooding her face as she looked up at me. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I noticed… you ok?” She nodded, like she always did, even in times like this; when there was clearly something wrong.
I set the water bottle down beside her before I wrapped one arm around her waist, tugging her towards me. My other hand sliding underneath her hair to grasp the back of her neck.
I pulled her face towards mine, kissing her passionately. I expected her to push me away but she didn’t, instead she answered with just as much enthusiasm; sending shivers through my body. “You’re beautiful…” I said gently as I finally pulled away, conscious of the effect she had on my body and the fact that we weren’t alone. “We have to get going.” I added when she didn’t say anything.

“You don’t need to tell me that.”

I tilted my head, not releasing my grip on her. “I don’t have to tell you what?”

“You don’t need to say those things to me…” She said quietly, blushing as she looked away.

I rolled my eyes. “You know what… you’re just as foolish as you are beautiful… and that’s a lot.” I let out an airy laugh, unable to fathom her words. She sighed, looking away from me; back in the direction that the models had exited. “You jealous?”

“No… not jealous.”

She had a fire in her eye, something familiar, something I’d seen the night before. Adding up her reaction to the other women and the emotional flip out of last night; things were starting to come together. “Jes… you know that I think you’re perfect, right? I love everything about you, everything. It doesn’t matter how you see yourself because well… you’re delusional.”

“Alex, I’m not delusional, and I’m not blind either.” She added, causing me to laugh.

“Jespin seriously… look at you.”

“I’d rather not.”

I rolled my eyes, unable to stop laughing. I could tell she was getting annoyed but it didn’t matter; she was being ridiculous.
I finally managed to calm myself down enough to hide my smile. “To think for one second, that you could possibly be anything less that breath-taking… frankly, is an insult to me and my fantastic taste.” I said genuinely, forcing her to look me in the eye.
In this second, there was nothing I wanted more than to tell her that I loved her, but I couldn’t.
I knew if I allowed myself to admit out loud what I already knew; I would lose everything. I needed to keep myself together, keep my feelings inside in order to protect her.
There had to be another way to make her realize what everyone else could clearly see. “Why don’t you believe me? You think I’m just with you for fun?”

She shrugged, biting her lip. “Why are you with me?”

Because I love you. “Because you’re everything Jes. Look, I‘m a nice guy but let‘s face it… I‘m not nice enough to date a charity case. If I wasn‘t attracted to you one-hundred percent, than I wouldn‘t be here.”

She nodded slowly, finally allowing me to move her away from the wall - we walked arm and arm towards the exit. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather that?” She asked quietly as we passed some more of the SI models.

“Positive. Why have that when you can have the best?” She chortled quietly and I shook my head. “You’ve seen my ex girlfriends Jes, you know I’ve already been down that avenue, I’m not going back.
You’re just stuck with me now… so get use to it.” She finally cracked a grin and leaned into me.
I sighed, kissing the top of her head as we reached my car. I would probably never get use to the fact that Jespin didn’t see herself the way I did; but maybe it was for the best. After all, if she knew how I actually viewed her, she’d realize just how much I needed her; and my dependency was a dangerous thing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over My Head - The Fray(Cover)


Washington had won the first game of the serious, and I was conflicted. I had spent my entire life always cheering for the Penguins. They were my dad’s team, my family’s team, Sidney’s team, and I had always assumed that they were my team by default.
Watching the Capitals win was something else entirely. It felt like they were really my team; like I was actually part of it.
I was only a medical intern, but it felt like I had spent so long watching them fight for every win. I wanted them to win this, as horrible as that was.
I wanted to watch my team, the team that I was part of, win the games and take home the Cup.

Even though Sidney and I had made up after our fight and were back on a semi-good basis; I felt guilty again for cheering against him.
I almost felt like I needed to apologise, even though that was foolish. I knew if I went to see him I would never tell him that I was actually cheering for the Caps whole-heartedly, but I still felt compelled to wish him luck.

I headed through the visitor’s halls, searching for Sidney. Some of the guys were already out in the hall stretching and they waved to me as I headed by.
I finally saw Sidney through the locker-room window. He was sitting by himself taping his stick.

“Hey Sidney…” I said slowly as I pushed the door open. His hands stopped moving as his eyes snapped up to meet my gaze. “Oh… umm…” I began, trying to backtrack; I probably should have assumed that he was already in game mode.

“Get out.” He hissed, never taking his eyes away from me.

“What?” He was always crabby before the games but, he’d never bossed me around before.

“You can’t be in here wearing that. You need to get out.” I glanced down at my shirt and realized that I had probably just screwed with some random superstition he had. I opened my mouth to apologise and I backed towards the door. “I don’t have time for you right now Jespin! I’m trying to get ready for a game here. We need to win! … if it‘s the last thing I do… I‘m getting that Cup… and I need to get the fucking Capitals out of my way first!” He spat, causing me to shrink back as he ran a hand through his messy hair. “I don’t mean… ugh. I’m sorry ok, I just can’t deal with anything else right now.” He looked mildly deranged as his eyes bounced back and forth between my shirt and my face.


In truth, I really didn‘t need to get him worked up like this, and I knew better. There was just something forcing me onward; like his superstition was not directed at me. I was a member of the Capitals and he didn’t want to deal with me because of that. In a fit of childish immaturity I snapped. “Right… cause of hockey.” I drawled sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

“Jespin, I’m a hockey player! This is what I do! The Stanley Cup is like… the holy grail of my life… I need to win this… can’t you understand that?”

“Sure… I was just coming in to wish you good luck anyway.” I turned around and left back the way I had come in. I gave a few hugs as I headed down the hall, getting more and more angry as I did so.
No one else had a problem with what I was wearing. I sighed as I reached the Capital’s locker-room, pushing the door open and walking through.

I didn’t even feel like it had anything to do with what I was wearing; Sidney was being insane because of his insistent need to win the Stanley Cup. That in itself wasn’t wrong; it was that way for most guys in the NHL, their number one goal in life.
But they all had lives. They didn’t sit around and feel the need to wait for the giant silver trophy before they actually moved forward with anything else. Maybe it had always been an excuse.
Maybe Sidney wanted those model girls and I had been foolish to think he was interested in me. Maybe he just wanted me because he wanted to date Mario Lemieux’s daughter, right now, that wouldn’t surprise me.

All my emotions seemed to come pouring out of me; like someone had opened the flood gates.
All of a sudden it wasn’t about Sidney and his superstitions, it was about me not being good enough for him. No forget about him, it was about me, not being good enough for Alex.

A couple days ago I had seen those girls fawning over him; and even though he was only reciprocating it for the pictures - those girls would probably date him in a second.
I wasn’t good enough for him. I wasn’t good enough for Sidney - not that that part mattered.

I continued to storm around aimlessly, throwing open one of the medical room doors and walking through, sighing. “Oh sorry, I didn’t know you were in here…” I groaned as Alex turned around. I sighed again, biting my lip as I waited for him to freak out too; why not?

“No problem.” Alex said gently as he smiled at me from across the room. “You ok?”

“Umm… yah, why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged, setting his freshly taped stick down on the examining table, before walking the length of the room towards me. “You look upset. Anything you want to talk about?”

I stared at him in bewilderment, unsure of how to continue. “Shouldn’t you be… getting ready for the game?”

He shrugged, “I’ll be ready later… you look like you need to talk now.”

I laughed slightly, shaking my head as I thought about my conversation with Sidney, just minutes before. “I’m actually… doing better now, surprisingly. Don’t worry about it… you need to get ready for the game.”

“More important things than hockey, you know?” He grinned, causing an unexplainable lump to rise in my throat. I nodded, smiling slightly as I did.

“Yah… I know.” He bent over and his lips began to slid along mine; moving together in a gently rhythm as his arms surrounded me.
After what felt like an eternity, or a few seconds, I pulled away. “Good luck tonight.” I said quietly, not letting go of him.

“I’ll see you after…” He whispered back, kissing my forehead as Boudreaux’s voice boomed through the hallways, ordering the players into the room.

I watched him go, glancing over his shoulder at me and grinning before he disappeared through the door. I sighed to myself hopping up on the table and lying down on my back.
My thoughts were a jumbled mess and I simply didn’t have the energy to sort them out.