#23 - Beautiful Mess

Apparitions - MGB


I casually leaned back against the wall outside the locker room, trying to catch a glimpse of Jespin on her way in.
Sticking to my original plan, I hadn’t called her at all. I wanted to, and I almost had; but I had always caught myself at the last minute. The last thing I needed was for her to feel like she had some kind of control over me; even if, maybe, she did.

When she came around the corner she looked upset about something. Her eyes were slightly puffy and I could tell she’d been crying. She was a beautiful mess, and it melted my heart. Pushing myself off the wall I moved towards her quickly; pulling her into my arms before she even saw me coming.
Her arms wound around my waist as she pressed her face into my chest, allowing fresh sobs to escape her body. “Hey… hey… it’s ok…” I said softly, turning slightly so I could lead her down the hallway towards her empty office.


“What’s wrong?” I asked, once I closed the door behind me, watching her lean back on her desk; head hung. “Jes… talk to me.”
I didn’t care that I was acting out of my normal ‘front’, the sight of her in distress was starting to cause me physical pain.
She shook her head, not looking up as I closed the small distance between us. “Please tell me why you’re crying…?”

“It’s nothing… it’s stupid…” She mumbled, shaking her head again.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on her computer chair, pulling her down on my lap, my hand under her ass. “Well come on… you have a problem, let’s figure it out.”

“There’s nothing to figure out Alex… I just… ugh!” She moaned loudly, as the flood gates opened and the words began to tumble out. “It’s just like, I feel no one here knows anything about me, and I have no one to talk to… then I feel like that guy from back home is going to be there when I get there and I don’t want to deal with him cause he said he’d not pressure me but I know that he will even if he doesn’t want to… then I have all this shit I need to do before Christmas cause I haven’t even started shopping for anything yet and I’m not done of finals and I don’t have any time to study between games and…”

“You can talk to me…”

“Yah but-”

“And just tell the other guy to fuck off… then go tell Ben you need more time to study.”

“It’s not that simple, I-”

“We’ll go shopping today after practice.”

“I can’t just-”

“See! I’m the best problem solver ever! Fuck… there really is nothing I can’t do.” I laughed to myself, pleased as punch, as I stood up with Jespin in my arms, turning around and setting her back down in the chair.
I walked towards the door, unable to keep the grin off my face.

“You didn’t solve anything!”

“What? I solved everything… seriously… just do what I said and you’re good to go. Superstar, super smart… I’m like a super hero…” I kicked open the door, almost nailing Greener in the face. He opened his mouth, about to yell at me but I cut him off. “Holy shit... I’m Jesus!”

“What are you talking about?”

“How great I am…” I shrugged, rolling my eyes as I headed off down the hallway. I solved all of Jespin’s problems, got to grab her ass, and I was gonna rock it tonight during the game; I really was fantastic.



“This might be the worse idea you’ve ever had…” I groaned as I followed Jespin through the mall; signing autographs and posing for pictures as I went. Normally being recognized in public didn’t bother me at all; and at first it was kind of fun to show off in front of Jespin. Now however, I was starting to get slightly annoyed at the group of people that were following us.

“In case you forgot, you were the one who suggested shopping…” She sighed softly as she stared at her feet. She was not pleased about the attention we were getting either.

“No way, my ideas are way better than this. This was all you.” Thinking back, there was a chance I had suggested it; but who was really keeping track? “So are we almost done?”

“We’ve been here for twenty minutes! I haven’t even made a single purchase yet.” She groaned and turned to face me, catching a glimpse of the crowd behind us. “Ugh… don’t you have a hat you could be wearing to disguise yourself?”

“It’s gonna take more than a hat to hide this face!” I grinned, pointing at myself.

“… that’s for sure.” She mumbled, causing me to raise an eyebrow and stare at her, she either just hit on me, or made fun of me. Made fun of me… yah right. I laughed at the thought. Jespin just openly hit on me… sweet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz(Cover)

I said goodbye to Alex and got out of his car with my bags; hurrying through the cold wind to my door. I turned around and waved goodbye again, before I hurtled myself into the heated lobby.
I let myself into my apartment and dropped all my bags on the floor. I shook off my jacket before jogging up the stairs, flopping down on my bed.
I had an hour and a half before I needed to be back at the arena for the game; a nap was definitely in order.

I pulled the blankets up to my chin and closed my eyes tightly; hoping that sleep would come soon - I should have known better.
I exhaled loudly as the events of the day filtered through my mind. It wasn’t even evening yet, and I was already exhausted; it had been an emotional roller-coaster.

I was never the type of person who loved Christmas; I was also never the type of person that hated it. I had always been indifferent, simply existing through the season of cheer; waiting patiently for it to end.
This Christmas was different; with finals, being away from my family, the stress at work. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t sleeping well, almost no one actually knew who I was, mixed with - most importantly - the anxiety I was feeling about Sidney and Alex.
If it came down to it, I knew who I wanted to spend my time was; and that only made it worse.
Of course Alex had been a complete ass when he ’asked me out’, but I was starting to get use to his personality. He wasn’t as awful as he made himself seem - sometimes he just said things without thinking about them, sometimes he said things just to piss people off. I was starting to really like him, and this bothered me; but not for any internal reasons.
What would Sidney say? Worse even, what would my father say? It was one thing to hurt Sidney by saying ’I pick your rival over you’; but my father? He’d given everything to the Penguins organization. He’d cried for them, fought for them, bled for them…
It wasn’t like I had assumed I would marry someone from the Penguins; I just always thought it would be someone outside the hockey world all together. It felt like a blatant slap in the face if I dated someone from another team; the utmost disrespect, aimed at a man who didn’t deserve it.
This next week was going to be horrible, I knew that. I was headed back home; more guilt ridden and apprehensive than before.


The nap had been purely wistful thinking. As I stood in the walkway watching the game, James tried to talk over our last exam tomorrow; I could only nod mutely. I didn’t have the energy to listen to him - I was just trying to stay on my feet until I could collapse on my bed.
It was a good thing Alex was so damn entertaining to watch. I found myself laughing at his antics tonight; instead of scowling, like normal.
I had always watched the Capitals with a type of long-established aversion. It wasn’t that I actually hated them; but when your dad is Mario Lemieux, you kind of want them to suck. When I wasn’t busy thinking about my preconceived notions - I found that Alex was actually a fascinating player.

While most people viewed him as some over-the-top phenomena, he was actually more like a child. Sure, he had the talent and ambition that would always keep him at the top of the game; but he played with such a juvenile excitement - it was hard not to smile along.
He was playing the game, as if it were actually just a game; something that was almost unheard of in the NHL.


“You look like shit.” Alex said, loudly, as he walked through my opened office door.

“Thanks.” I retorted sarcastically, stamping the date onto the last folder in front of me. Smiling, I shifted it to the side and stood up; elated at the though of finally going home.

“So what are we doing? The guys are going to the bar… you wanna go?”

“Do I honestly look like I want to go drink right now?” He made a face, reiterating his comment about looking like complete crap. “Alex, I have my last exam tomorrow and then I’m catching a plan home for the week. I need sleep, not alcohol.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean you leave tomorrow? How long are you gone for?”

“I’ll be back before New Years.” I sighed, dragging my feet as I moved past him; flipping off the light as I went.

“You’re just going?” He asked in disbelief. “Just taking off for a week? Were you even going to tell me?”

“Ok… first, I didn’t think you’d give a shit. And secondly, it’s Christmas… doesn’t everyone go home?” He shrugged as he walked after me; keeping pace until we reached the staff parking lot. “So… you’re staying here? Alone?”

He shook his head. “My parents are coming over here. I don’t go home for Christmas.” It was such an odd statement that it peaked my curiosity.

“You don’t go home for Christmas ever?”

“No, never.” I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from prying deeper. “Can I call you?”

It was a good thing I was still biting my lip; or else he would have received a snippy comment. Wasn’t he the one that said I shouldn’t expect him to call me? ”Of course you can call me… here.” I sighed finally, deciding it was best to keep this conversation as civil as possible. I quickly wrote down my home phone number and handed it to him. “Anyway, I should go…” I said, yawning as soon as the words were out.

Alex chuckled, then shifted his weight, stepping closer to me.“Spakoynay nochi i priyatnyh snof…”

“What?”

“Have a good night.” He said smugly, rolling his eyes. I sighed, trying to keep the grin off my face. That was one of the annoying things he always did; say things in Russian and then acting condescending when I didn’t understand him.

I started walking again, surprised when I realized he was beside me. He walked with me until we reached my tiny hybrid; where we stood awkwardly for a minute looking away from each other. I was very confused; how do you say goodbye to a guy that you like, that knows you like him, but isn’t your boyfriend?
Alex answered my question for me when I looked up at him. He leaned into me, a smile playing at the corner of his lips; before they gently touched down to mine.

The kiss itself was gentle and innocent. Slow and building; but it still sent shivers running through my body. On cue, he wrapped his arms around my waist; snaking me towards him.
His taut build pressed against me firmly, and I melted into him - my arms sliding around his neck.

I could feel need burning up inside of me, commanding me to get as close to him as possible. I tried, hungrily pushing into him, while he pulled me back with just as much force. The kiss intensified, until it was all I could comprehended.
I refused to break away from him; not even for air. Not even when I felt myself get light-headed in shaky.
Alex was the one who ended it. He pulled his lips away from me slowly, his arms not letting go. I let out an airy sigh causing him to chuckle as he finally unwound me from his body. “I’ll see you when you’re back.”
His voice was husky as he spoke, his finger tips tracing my jaw. I thought that he was going to kiss me again, and I tilted my head towards him expectantly. He laughed lightly at the change in my posture before stepping away. “Ne zabyvai menya.”

Blushing slightly, I got into my car and closed the door; cursing myself for being so easily influenced by a single kiss. I hated the control Alex had on me when it came to anything physical. I hated even more that I had no plans to retract it any time soon.