#40 - Changing Views

You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol


“Merde! Sorry Sidney… I wasn’t watching… and since when did TK learn how to shoot?” I glanced over at Flower as he apologised to me again, his thin fingers clicked away at the buttons on his PSP.
Apparently he didn’t realize that I wasn’t playing attention either.

I sighed, looking back down at the tiny LSD screen, just in time to see myself get gunned down by Talbot. I set the small black console down onto the tray in front of me, leaning back into my spacious airplane seat; perks of playing in the NHL - comfortable seats. “Jesus Sidney! Thought you’d be more excited to get to Washington… I mean, if anyone needs to get laid, it’s you.” Max’s voice carried loudly through the plane, causing me to groan as I felt Mario shift in the seat in front of me.

“Shut up Max.” I said hastily, running a hand through my over-gelled, brown hair.

“What!? I thought you and Jes were finally… you know…” I sighed and turned my attention to the clouds below; peering out my window with an unreasonable interest. “Sid?” Max pressed, earning the attention of everyone within ear shot - and when you’re Max Talbot, ear shot happens to encompass the total plane.

I bit my lip, regretting having put this conversation off until this moment. I took a deep breath; wondering how bad the guys were going to poke at me for this; or even worse, how nice they were going to be because of this.
It was one thing for them to laugh at me, another to realize just how upset I was and try to console me. If there is one thing French men can’t do, it’s console. “Jespin’s dating a boy from Washington” Mario answered for me; the tone of his voice leaving no room for further discussion, as he relayed the information we had both received last night.

It almost hurt to hear it from him. When Jespin had called last night to let me know what was going on, it didn’t seem so bad. After all, she was only dating this guy because I told her to; he didn’t have anything on me, I knew in my heart he couldn’t compare.
And not just because of the money or the fame; but because of who I was to her. Her family loved me, especially her father, and I knew her better than anyone, she was like a sister to me - in a non-incestual way.
The idea of her being with someone else didn’t effect me like how it should have - or how I had expected it to.
There was just something in the way it sounded coming out of Mario; so real, so blunt, so final.

At least I was going to see her; even if that meant playing Washington and dealing with Ovechkin. I had honestly thought that they were going to get put out by the Rangers, but they came back to win it in the end.
Now we were playing them; playing them for a spot in the finals… a spot I'd rather die than let Ovechkin take from me.



“Jes!” I shouted, causing her to jump as I jogged towards her through the hotel lobby. I caught her in my arms and spun her around. She laughed as I put her back on her feet, her green eyes shinning with happiness as the rest of the team started drifting towards us. “How have you been? You look great!”

“Thanks! And… I’ve been good… how was your trip?”

“Nothing special-” I began to explain as Jordan cut me off.

“Where’s your new boy-toy at? Max and I are gonna let him know who he’s dealing with, show him what‘s gonna happen if he messes around on ya.” He grinned as I rolled my eyes.

Jespin giggled again. “Well, as interesting as that would be to watch… I figured I would put off introducing you all till… well… never.”

“Ouch! Is he that ugly?” Max quipped, pulling her into a hug.

“No but, I don’t want him to have to stand beside you… we all know that no one can compare to you.” She said patently, causing Max to grin triumphantly as he turned around to face me.

“Jessie!” Mario cooed before I could say anything to wipe the dumb look of Max’s face.
She ran into her father’s waiting arms, throwing herself at him as they rocked back and forth in a warm embrace. Mario talked to her softly for a few minutes, a conversation that I really should have tuned out. “Is he taking care of you? He’s good to you? You’re happy?”
She nodded mutely, never pulling away as he rattled off a long list of questions. I waited around, not wanting to loose the few precious moments I had with her.
Finally, after being called away, Mario left; giving me a small smile as he did so. Jespin turned around and headed back to me, pushing me gently in the arm.

“So what’s your plan for tonight?” She asked casually, following after me as I headed for the elevator.

I shrugged. “I don’t really have any plans, what did you have in mind, or, are you… busy?” She shook her head, giving me a weak smile. “He won’t mind if you’re here?” I added, trying to fish for information without actually asking anything about him.

“He has some things that he needed to do anyway… for… work.” She hastily, causing me to laugh.

“Sneaking out to hang out with me? You shouldn’t have…”

“I’m not.” She snapped, exhaling loudly before the lines of her face relaxed. “Sorry, I mean… I didn’t come here, not for anything that would be inappropriate.”

“Jes. I know.” I said quickly, my brow furrowing with stress as I glanced at her. “I know that’s not why you’re here… I was kidding.”

“I know. Sorry… just… stressed out about playoffs I guess.” She said unconvincingly.

I shrugged, figuring it was better to forget about the conversation than pressure her on it. I didn’t particularly feel like talking about him anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Freshman - The Verve Pipe(Cover)


I was planning on stopping off at the hotel to see everyone - especially dad - but somehow I had forgotten about Sidney.
Alex knew where I was, I told him that my dad really liked hockey and was coming down to watch the Pens play; he was mildly impressed that my dad would follow a team, but he didn’t think anything strange about it.
I had, however, completely forgot that Sidney was going to be here. I wasn’t really sure how that happened, but it did, and now I felt horrible.

I felt bad because Alex had no idea that Sidney was here; that I was in his room, spending time with him.
Even if we weren’t alone, and even if we weren’t doing anything bad, I still felt guilt ridden.
Of course Alex still text'd me lots through out the night; keeping me happy and anxious at the same time. I truly missed him, as lame as that seemed.
I had been with him only a few hours before; spending time with him before his evening practice and team meeting.

“So Jes… sex good?” Max asked, as casually as a normal person would ask about the weather.

I glowered at him. “Horrible. Unless we’re comparing it to your performance? If we are, it’s fantastic.”
The guys began to howl with laughter all around me, even Max couldn’t help but grin sheepishly at me before turning his attention back to the movie.
The only set of eyes that lingered on me were a pair of chocolate brown ones; full of realization and anger. I made eye contact with Sidney, trying to give him a reassuring smile as his gaze intensified.

Leave it to Sidney to assume that I would never touch another man. I mean, obviously I didn’t want him to know about my sex life; but still, the fact that he’d assume I wouldn’t touch my boyfriend? That was a little much.
I tried to pretend that I couldn’t see him watching me as I gazed in the direction of the TV set; not caring for the first time that TK’s bush of hair was blocking my view.


“You’re not letting him pressure you, right?” Sidney asked hesitantly as he stood beside me in the elevator; the metal box slowly moving down towards the underground parking lot, and my awaiting hybrid.

“Of course not… Sidney, he’s not that type of guy.” I explained patiently, trying not to let his questions get under my skin.

He nodded, staring straight ahead. “So you’re not sleeping with him?”

My mouth fell open as I spun around to glare at him. “I don’t really see how what I do, or don’t do with my boyfriend, is any of your business.” I snapped, finally loosing my cool.

“So you are?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters.” We bother glared at each other for a minute before glancing off in opposite directions. “Stop.” He said finally as the doors opened and we both stepped out.

“Excuse me?”

“Stop sleeping with him.” I shook my head, more at him than at his request, before I took off towards my car. “Jespin!” He shouted taking off after me.

I stopped walking and turned around as he closed the gap between us. “No. No, I won’t. We’re not together Sidney… you even told me that you wanted me to date someone else. Now that I am… you’re not ok with it?”

“I didn’t mean for you to fuck him!” He hissed, his eyes growing wide as I tilted my head. “Ok, wow, that sounded bad… I didn’t mean…” He licked his lips as he searched for the right words. I waited. “Look Jes… I wasn’t ready for this. I really care about you and I think you could be the girl that I end up with… I just didn’t want to committee to you until I’d proven myself.
I need that Cup, Jes.
I just assumed that you’d date some guy and it wouldn’t go anywhere. I guess I sort of assumed you’d compare him to me and… rather me.
I obviously was wrong. That’s ok though I mean… this was my mistake, putting it off.
But we can make it work… I don’t want to think about you out there with someone else so, let’s do this.”

I hesitated, unsure if he was really say what I thought he was saying. “Are you inadvertently telling me to dump my boyfriend, and date you?” He nodded, like he was pleased I’d caught on so fast. “No.” I said simply, unable to think of a clearer way to put it.

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean… no. N-O, no. That’s… I can’t even… ugh!” I turned around and finished walking to my car, needing to be away from here.
I knew that Sidney wasn’t really trying to be an ass, but that’s what he was being.

“Jes come on! I’m sorry alright I just…” I heard him groan loudly as I pulled my car door open.

“Look Sidney, I love you like a brother. You’re always going to be important to me and I’m always going to want you in my life… but maybe this is all we’re ever suppose to be.” I hesitated before getting in, watching his face contort in pain. “Sidney, I really like him. I didn’t date him because you wanted me to, I’m with him because it’s what I want.
I don’t want to lose you, but, if you can’t respect that…” I trailed off, letting my threat hang in the air.

“Yah, I got it.” He said slowly, bringing his eyes up to meet mine. “Some other time then.” He turned around and left before I could say anything else.


I felt like shit as I drove home. I didn’t want things to go like that, I hated fighting with people; especially Sidney.
Was I being unreasonable? Was I making a huge mistake? This was all my fault after all.
I had been selfish enough to keep Sidney in the dark about how I actually felt about him, and selfish enough to start a relationship with Alex.
I didn’t deserve them; but I didn’t want to give one of them up either. Of course, I wanted each one for something different, for my own reasons, but the reasons were still selfish.

I was still re-evaluating everything as I slowly climbed the stairs to my door, my head hung in shame and guilt.
I unlocked the door and walked inside, wanting nothing more than to curl up and die; or at least cry, a lot.

I didn’t even notice Alex until his arms were around me. He didn’t ask questions or pressure me for information; he just directed me towards the stairs, and allowed me to cry into his chest.
He curled up next to me on the bed and pulled me against him tightly.

His compassion was almost more than I could handle, causing my tears to come out in hot waves. He murmured to me in his thick Russian accent; reassuring me with his natural language. It felt wrong and wonderful at the same time.

When I could finally calm myself enough to stop the flow of tears I glanced up at him, and his concerned eyes. “Do you need me to do something?” He asked hurriedly, fear taking the place of his gentle whispers.

I had no idea what to say. I wasn‘t even sure why I was crying so much; it didn‘t make a lot of sense. I still had Alex, and that fact alone seemed to assure me that I could get through anything.
Even though he had no idea what was going on; it was like his blue eyes were reassuring me that everything would work out. “No, I’m fine... I’m so sorry about that Alex… I don’t know-” He cut me off by pinching my lips together, shaking his head slightly as he smiled.
When he was confident that I wouldn’t try to apologise anymore, he removed his fingers and replaced them with his lips; allowing my body to explain the things that my mind couldn’t.