#25 - Oh No He Did Not...

Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson


“What‘s going on?” I breathed, glancing around quickly.

“I came to visit you! I was suppose to surprise you when I got back to Pittsburgh early, but your parents said you’d already gone back. Miss me much?” He grinned, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Yah. I just… didn’t expect to see you… here.” I gave my best attempt at enthusiasm; trying to keep the worry and anxiety out of my voice.

He rolled his eyes at me, still grinning. “That’d be the point of a surprise Jes…”

“Right… well… we should go. Now.” I said quickly, pushing Sidney’s chest and forcing him back a step. He nodded and reached out, draping his arm around my shoulders as he lead me out towards the parking lot.



I wanted to rip. I wanted to scream and destroy shit, but I couldn’t, not with Sidney watching me. Not just watching me, but touching me; holding me and tracing his lips along the side of my neck.
Eating. Eating should have been safe, but it wasn’t. It went from the absorption of nutrients to a cheesy romance movie. I understood that Sidney was trying to be romantic - or romantic as he saw it - but I was quite capable of feeding myself.
TSN. Watching the sports channel should have been a safe haven too, but apparently not.
As soon as the George St. Pierre special started; Sidney slid towards me, hoisting me into his lap. I didn’t have it in me to fight; so I decided against passive resistance - hoping he’d notice if I did nothing.

The sound of the phone caused me to jump off the couch, running towards the kitchen before my cowardice could lead to worse things. “Hello?”

“Hey Jes! Brooks said you were back…”

“Yah, I was looking for you…” I said lamely, trying to talk loudly enough that Alex could hear me, but quietly enough that Sidney wouldn’t.

“Wanna get together tonight?” I inhaled sharply, possible excuses running through my head. I wanted to, obviously; but it was impossible. What was I suppose to do? Ask Sidney to hang out here while I went on a date? Not likely.

“I want to.” I said, not even caring that I sounded like I was pleading. “I really want to, but I can’t tonight…” I ran it over in my head. If Sidney was leaving tomorrow evening, then I could get out tomorrow night. “Tomorrow night?”

“Sure. Yah. That’s fine.” He sounded mildly disappointed, something that made me happy.

“Hey Jes… I’ve already seen this one, wanna catch a movie?” Sidney asked loudly as he walked into the kitchen. I held my breath as inhaled sharply.
It was completely silent as Sidney opened the fridge and refilled his drink. He looked up at me and I nodded, holding up a finger; signalling for him to give me a minute.

“What‘s going on?” Alex finally spat, causing me to grimace.

“A friend‘s over.” I said quietly, too quietly.

“Is it him?” He hissed. I didn’t need to ask who he was talking about, there was only one guy he could be referring to.

“Yes. But it’s not what you think… he just showed up… I couldn’t just tell him to go home.” I pleaded, trying to make him understand.

“Yah actually, you could have. I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I don’t but we’re still friends… I can’t just kick him out.” This time, it was my turn to become enraged as a woman’s voice prattled in the background. “Who’s that?” I spat, knowing full well who it was.

“Masha.” He said back with just as much hostility in his voice. “Only difference is she is leaving. She’s waiting for a cab.”

“Well she’s been there for a while, hasn’t she? I saw her this morning at the Verizon… she’s just calling a cab now?” I said smugly through the tears that were now forming in my eyes.
I didn’t want it to be true, I didn’t want her to actually be with him; but at the same time, at least he couldn’t act all high and mighty to me.

“She was visiting with Semi… I’m not the only Russian in this city. She showed up here a few minutes ago and I told her to leave.” He groaned.

“Ok Alex look… I didn’t invite him here, and I don’t want him to be here… but I can’t just kick him out. He’s a friend of the family’s and my parents would kill me. Can you try to understand that?”

“Has he kissed you?”

I bit my lip and grimaced. “No.” Technically it was true. Alex meant a real kiss, and Sidney hadn’t actually kissed me - not on the lips anyway.

“Has he tried?”

“I don’t know…” I sighed exasperated. “I don’t like him like that Alex, I can’t be responsible for what he does.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“No! Absolutely not… why would I do that?!” I could see it now... 'hey Sidney, Alex Ovechkin wants to tell you to stop hitting on me'.

“If you don’t like him, and I’m allowed to tell him that we have a thing… then I’ll believe you.”

“It’s not that simple-” I began, whining.

“Yes! It is! You either put him on, or I assume that he doesn’t know anything about me.”

“Alex please, just let me deal with this.”

“Whatever Jespin. I’ll see you around.” He hung up the phone, leaving me gasping for air as I tried to remain calm.
I wanted to break down, drop down on the floor and bawl my face off. Run out the door and over to his house, begging for him to not do this; but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because Sidney was sitting on my couch; blissfully ignorant of the emotional battle raging on the other side of the wall.

“Alright, romance or comedy?” Sidney said, walking back into the kitchen with his iphone in his hand. He glanced up at me and froze as the tears slid down my face. “Comedy, I guess?”
I shrugged slightly, turning back around and hanging the phone up on the hook. “Jessie, baby, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t call me that.” I sobbed, leaning my forehead against the wall.

“Don’t call you what babe?” He said softly, coming up behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders.

“That!” I spat, spinning around to face him. “I’m not your baby… so stop it.” Pain crossed his face as he took a step back, his arms dropping down to his side. “I’m sorry…” I said quietly. I was blaming him for something that was my fault.
It was my fault that he was confused, my fault that Alex was angry, my fault that my life was unravelling.

“Who was on the phone?” He asked slowly, hesitantly.

“A guy.”

He nodded slowly, his deep chocolate eyes looking off, far away. “Is he your boyfriend?” I shook my head no. In response to my answer, Sidney’s arms wrapped around my waist and he hugged me against him; I allowed it. “Do you like him?” I nodded against his chest, too afraid to look up.
That was when I realized that he was laughing, loudly.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Jes, you look like you just confessed to murder. I’m not mad. Surprised… yah. I thought you’d tell me when it happened but… I’m not mad.”

“I don’t… understand…” I said stupidly, confusion completely evident on my face.

“Jes. Not to sound like an asshole, but I’m famous. People know who I am… a lot of girls want to date me because of who I am.” He explained, shrugging as he did so. “Of course that’d be a lot to handle. I assumed when you came to Washington, where people didn’t know who you were, you’d want to find someone outside of the hockey world. I’m not mad that you want to date a ’nobody’.
I figured this would happen. And you know what? I don’t care. If you want to experience what a normal relationship is like, before you commit to me, I’m totally ok with it.
I mean, it sucks… I’d much rather you just date me now but… I’ll wait. I know we‘ll end up together anyway. Besides, I have to win a Stanley Cup before I can do anything else.” He grinned, bending down to lightly kiss the top of my forehead.

“So… let me get this straight. You don’t care if I date some guy… because you haven’t won a Stanley Cup?” He nodded, seeming pleased at my ability to pick up on his explanation. “That might be the… dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He shrugged, “makes sense to me.”

“Hockey…” I sighed, shaking my head as Sidney started to laugh again.

“I’ll wait for you Jes. I want you to be happy and… we both know I’ve got too much other crap going on to be the kind of boyfriend that you need, or that I want to be. I can’t expect you to have no life while I’m off… being awesome.” He smiled, causing me to roll my eyes.

Suddenly, everything didn’t seem so bad. Sidney was an important person in my life; someone that I hated hiding things from. Even if he didn’t know who I was talking about, at least he knew there was someone else; that in itself was reason enough to celebrate.
A part of my mind was wondering what the hell I was doing relaxing against his chest. He had specifically said ‘nobody’, someone outside the hockey world; there was nothing in the conversation about it being ok to like Alex Ovechkin. Nothing at all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Chush' sobach'ya!” I spat, slamming the phone down on the hook.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I began to pace back and forth around the kitchen. How could she do this to me? It wasn’t really her fault, when I thought about it.
Masha had just shown up as well. It wasn’t my fault that she was here, and I couldn’t really fault Jespin because what’s-his-name showed up at her place too.
I, at least, had told Masha to leave. Did Jespin think my parents weren’t going to be mad about that? Cause they would be… I still did it though. I did it for her because I liked her, because I didn’t want her to have a reason to ignore me again.
Apparently she didn’t care though. I mean, she wouldn’t even let me talk to the guy… he probably didn’t even know that I existed.

Rage boiled up inside of me the more I thought about it. Right now, he could have his hands all over her, and I wouldn’t even know. Even if I did know, there was nothing I could do about it; that was the worse thing of all.
Well, if she wants to do it like that… “Masha!” I yelled, taking off down the stairs. She didn’t answer so I ran to the front door, pulling it open as the cold night air blasted me. “Masha!”

She turned around, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she stood on the sidewalk. “What?”

I didn’t say anything, I didn’t have to. I held the door open as she grabbed onto her bag, dragging it behind her as she headed towards me.
I watched her struggle with it’s weight as she pulled it up the steps; not caring enough to help her.

She didn’t bitch at me once. Not about the bags, not about kicking her out, not about ignoring her for the whole night.
She knew that there was only one reason I had invited her back into the house, and she wasn’t about to deny me.

Pulling off her jacket she headed up the stairs towards my room. Glancing back over her shoulder and giving me a flirtatious smile as I climbed the stairs behind her.