#31 - Last Thing I Saw

When I Look At You - Leslie Roy


I’d gotten too close with Alex over the past couple weeks. Way, way too close. There were a few times when I’d come close to getting caught in a lie, too close to having him call me out on something.
He knew something was off. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that there was something else going on. He just didn’t realize that that ‘something else’ happened to revolve around the Pittsburgh Penguins

He’d broken down my walls easier than I ever thought possible; and in return I’d tried to push him away. I didn’t want him to find out who I was… I was too scared of loosing him now. It was a vicious circle.
I was a afraid that he was going to leave because I was pushing him away. I was pushing him away because I was scared he’d find out the truth. I was scared if he found out the truth then he would leave… and then I ended up back to pushing him away.


That’s why the vodka tasted so good. It burned my throat but it also numbed my body. Numbed it until I couldn’t feel anything.
Even better was the feeling of the dance floor beneath my feet; and Alex’s body pressed up against my back, his hot breath on my neck.

I could remember the last time I had gotten this intoxicated; and oddly enough, it had also involved Alex and a dance floor.
Of course this time it was different. There was still the hormones and heavy petting; but it wasn’t vague this time around, it carried with it a intense need and definitive ending. We both knew where how this was going to go down.

I was starting to fall for him; but I didn’t want to think about that. All I wanted to think about was the here and now. This, and how real ’this’ was.

Even though it had literally been just a few months since I met Alex; I already couldn’t imagine what it would be like without him. It was hard to imagine a Washington where he didn’t exist - what else would be here for me?

I didn’t want to - no, I couldn’t - think about that. I had to pretend that the season would never end, that I would never loose him; that he would never change his mind.

Taking one last chug of my cup I tossed it towards the garbage can; missing by a foot. Sighing, I turned around until I was facing Alex. He grabbed my hips and pulled me against him; grinning as I wound my arms around his neck.
He bent towards me, his lips crashing down on top of mine. I answered back willingly, not carrying that there was hundreds of people around us; probably watching us.
I had never been addicted to drugs before, but I was positive I knew what it felt like. Knew what it felt like to need something so badly it caused you physical pain. Need something so badly you couldn’t focus on anything else; luckily, for some absurd reason, Alex felt the same way about me.

I tilted my head back, tearing away from his kiss in order to gasp for air. He didn’t pull away. He moved down to my exposed neck, his teeth dragging along the skin. The next time I gasped, it wasn’t from lack of air.

I could feel the desire pulsing through my veins as I swayed my pelvis into him; feel the tingle of lust seep down to the heat in between my legs. We had to leave now - before I started pulling off his clothes.
Alcohol, plus hormones, plus Alex, was forever going to be a dangerous equation for me.
Pulling myself up I pushed my lips against his ear, “Alex…” I moaned, knowing I wouldn’t have to say anything else. The best thing about him was that we were always on the same page; at least when it came to the physical things.

He chuckled loudly, releasing his hold on my waist and grabbing my hand. Tugging on me, he pulled my through the crowd of people and back up the stairs towards some of the other Capitals.
He grabbed our coats off one of the couches and headed, full tilt, towards the back exit.
I laughed as he dragged me behind him through the dark parking lot; it was nice to know he needed this just as badly as I did. Flattering really…

He used the buttons on his key to unlock the Lamborghini; pulling my door open and flipping up the front seat. “Get in.” He ordered, ushering me inside.
I bent low, crawling towards the back slowly; trying not to fall over from the alcohol. He let out a low growl of impatient and slapped my ass, hard. I let out a yelp, biting my lip as I slid into the seat as fast as I could.
He slammed the door and moved around the front of the yellow hood.

He pulled the door open and then locked it; slamming it behind him as he crawled into the back beside me.
Alex let out at sigh, looking down at my shirt and then back up at me. Thank god for tinted windows… I thought with pleasure, as I pulled the green fabric up and over my head.

Alex was on me before I was completely free of my top; his hands expertly undoing the back of my bra and casting it away. He pulled me onto his lap, his eyes drinking me in as his hands began to dig into the soft flesh around my nipples. “Vi znachete vce k mne…” he mumbled, before his teeth dug into my shoulder. I let out a feral growl, too overcome with need to care about what he was saying. If it wasn’t in English and didn’t involve to word ’fucking’, I was in no mood to hear it.

His hands ran up my bare legs and underneath the skirt I was wearing. I reached down, undoing his pants and sliding my hands under his boxers; grasping his hard cock in my hands and pulling it out.
His fingers grabbed at the tiny black panties I was wearing and shoved them aside roughly; forcing me downwards until I was impaled on him.

I groaned in sheer pleasure as he began to lift me up and down, pumping my body along his length; filling me over and over. I felt myself tighten around him as his dick repeatedly pounded into me; demanding my immediate climax.
Obliging I wrapped myself around his neck, whimpering as the feeling of release over took me.

Grunting, he followed second later; his muscular arms winding themselves around my tightly. He held me still - safe and securely - for a few minutes before he sighed deeply.
I started to giggle as I looked around for my shirt. “I can’t believe we just had sex in a parking lot. The parking lot of a bar no less… that’s so sketchy…”

“When the car cost more than the bar, it’s ok.” He smirked, doing his pants back up and moving into the driver’s seat.

Once I had pulled my bra and shirt back on I climbed into the front seat beside him. Leaning the back of my head against the window so I could look at him as he drove. I was still fairly intoxicated, and that, mixed with the energy I had just spent in the back of the car, was making me feel dopey and tired.
I covered a yawn with the back of my hand as he smiled to himself.

I tried to keep my eyes awake and focused on him; as the lights of the side reflected through the windshield, casting different colours across his face. My neck was cramping from the position I was holding it in, but it didn’t matter. If I was going to fall asleep, I’d be damned if he wasn’t going to be the last thing I saw.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


I Will Follow You Into The Dark Night - Death Cab For Cutie(Cover)


I took one last glance at her, just as her eyes finally closed. I shook my head and turned my direction back to the street in front of me.
The light was turning red and I began to slow down as gently as possible. I didn’t want to disturb her as she let out a gentle snore.

The guys were never going to let me live down what happened at the bar; but it didn’t matter, it was worth it - Jespin was worth it.
I could see the looks that the boys were giving me on my mad dash, and I knew I’d have to answer for it later; the laughter, cat-calls, snide remarks.

I sat at the red light, waiting for it to change; taking the opportunity to look over at her again. Her head was flopping down onto her chest; her arms limp. She was completely zonked out.
I smiled and looked at the clock, it was going to be after two by the time I got over to her place; I opted for mine instead.
I changed lanes just as the light switched to green, turning the car left onto my street.

I pulled my Lamborghini into the empty garage stall, glancing over at Jespin again. I started to laugh quietly as she mumbled some incoherent words, shaking my head before I got out of the car.
I moved around to the other side of the vehicle, slowly opening her door and trying to insure that she didn’t fall out on the floor.

I grabbed her out of the seat and hoisted her up into my arms, kicking the door shut behind me. She was extremely light so I had no problem carrying her through the door and up the flight of stairs to my bedroom.
I laid her down on the bed, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her ears, before I pulled the quilt up to her chest.

I sat down beside her, running my fingers along the side of her face as she slept soundly; her breathing causing the black bedcovers to shift slightly.
Her pale skin stood out against the dark sheets, illuminating the perfect curves of her face. That was the best way to describe her, perfect.

It felt strange; having so many different emotions directed at one person, it was something I’d never experienced before. There were times when I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, never let go her go. Other times I wanted to make her scream out; I wanted to dig my fingers into her and listen to her cry my name as my body moved inside of hers.
Then there were the times that were the most confusing of all. The times that I just wanted to be around her, talk to her and listen to her. I could listen to her talk forever, about anything; school, her intern, her family. I could confide in her too. Tell her almost all my secrets and fears, or just be around her; not saying anything at all.

I couldn’t imagine not being with her now; she’d altered me so completely, there was no going back.
I wasn’t just use to her, she’d become one of the greatest parts of my life; one of the few people I could count on at any time.

There were times when I wanted to tell her how I felt, how I really felt; but I was too scared. Not scared because I thought she didn’t love me back, or because I was too much of a coward to say the words; but because thinking about it took me back to a darker place.
I wasn’t worthy of love.

It hadn’t been an issue before; I didn’t love the women that I was with, but that was fine. It was my reimbursement, my compensation.
I wasn’t allowed to have everything. I could have the fame and the money, the talent and the dream job; but love, that was just too much.
When I thought about telling her that I loved her, I remembered about Sergi. I remembered about the day that he died, and I remembered that it was my fault.

He wanted me to have this life; he wanted me to be the greatest hockey player in the world, and I did it, for him. But I couldn’t have this too.
So I didn’t say anything.


I undressed, laying down beside her and positioning her until she was against me. I gently kissed the side of her head before turning off the light. I could still see her slightly, the lights from the streetlamp shining in through the window.
I watched her until I felt my eyelids grow too heavy to remain open; satisfied that she was the last thing I saw.