#38 - Free-Falling

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard(Cover)


I sat on the couch, my back against the armrest, my feet resting in Alex’s lap. His hands working expertly over my sore legs; working out all the tension and pain in a few sure movements.
I grinned to myself as I watched his eyes lovingly caress every part of skin he touched; how did I ever get so lucky?
He was perfect. That was a word that I would never have imagined myself using to describe a man; let alone a hockey player - but it was true.

He was everything that I wanted. Everything I would have wished for myself, if I had of known myself well enough to ask.
I felt this way about him, even now, as he brooded over the game; the game, and whatever else was bothering him.

I wondered briefly if I should be worried; if he was about to drop some kind of bombshell on me. It was only a fleeting concern though. Every time I worked myself up, he’d look at me and smile; melting away every fear I’d ever had.

“Are you done of school now?" Alex asked suddenly, causing me to look up.

“Ummm almost, I have one final left in a couple days and then I’m done yah… last couple weeks are just internship.” I said slowly, wondering where this was going.

“So… you’ll be with me for the playoffs?”

I chuckled quietly. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Think you’d stay with me?”

I paused and glanced up at him. “Like… in the hotel?”

He nodded slowly, judging my reaction carefully. “Yah. I mean, everyone knows we’re together now so…” He shrugged, his voice wavering as he tried to play off the fact that he didn’t view this proclamation as a ‘big deal’.

“Well… are you sure you want that? I mean, I don’t want you to get sick of me or anything…” I said hesitantly, seriously concerned about what this would do to our relationship.
Not being able to be around Alex as much as I wanted, only made me want to be around him more; would it be the same if I was around him 24/7? Would he feel the same if I was with him the whole time?

“I won’t get sick of you, I promise. I just need you close.”

I sighed and nodded. “If that’s what you want… of course. Could you just tell me one thing though?”

“What’s that?”

“Why are you being like this? What happened? I mean, I don’t mind the fact that you want to be around me more but… what caused it?” I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer.

“I always want you around me. I have always wanted you around me…” He sighed and reached out his arms to me.
I crawled towards him, relaxing against him as his arms enfolded around me. “I’m not a good person Jespin.”

“What?” I said it loudly, unable to hide the confusion and surprise in my voice. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t just mean that I can be arrogant sometimes… I mean, I’m not the person that you think I am.”

I shook my head, unable to follow what he was saying. “I don’t… what do you mean?”

“Nothing.” He said quickly adverting his eyes.

“Is this what you were so upset about? You don’t think that you’re not a good person?” I couldn’t help but grin slightly. “Alex… you are. Believe me. If anyone knows what a good person you are, it’s me.” I said with as much emotion and conviction in my voice as possible.

“I don’t want you to change your mind.”

“I won’t.” He exhaled loudly, and I could tell that the conversation was over. He sighed deeply, his eyes reverting back to the aching torment I’d seen all day. “Alex…” I sighed, a thousand thoughts running through my head.

I knew how I felt about him, I knew that I needed him; that I loved him. I stared into his blue eyes and contemplated saying the words that I had never spoken in this context before.
I contemplated telling him the truth; that I loved him and only him, and that I would always be here, for as long as he let me stay.

Loosing my nerve, I simply smiled, bringing my lips down to his. He answered back tenderly, his hands sliding up my back gently; holding me against him tighter.
He stood up and shifted me around until he was holding me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he moved towards the stairs; climbing them two at a time until we reached the second level.
He carried me into his bedroom, laying me down on the bed; his lips never leaving mine.

Alex undressed me, painfully slowly, gently removing each article of clothing until there was nothing left separating us.
Interlacing his fingers through mine he lowered himself down on top of me, the weight of his body crushing down on me.

He kissed me intently, his body unmoving as he laid in between my opened legs. I needed him, wanted him; like always, the anticipation was almost too much to bear.
This time was different though, we could both feel it. It wasn’t about the physical gratification that we both so desperately wanted; but the intimacy we both needed.
I slid my hands out from under his, gently running my fingers through his hair as his arms moved up my sides, cradling me.

Finally moving forward I felt Alex’s body press up against mine; his erection slowly pushing it’s way inside of me.
I sighed in satisfaction as he filled me completely; hooking my legs around his back as I clung to him.
He moved slowly, each stroke a long, languid, motion; slowly bringing us together.

Alex stared down at me the whole time, his eyes intently watching me as they filled with emotion. It was all I could do to stare back, every move intensified by the excitement of watching his reactions as he moved deeper inside of me.
He made love to me until my body was confused. I ached with the consistent burn of passion and pleasure, the tightness in my muscles suggesting that we’d been like this for ever; my mind convinced it had only been mere seconds.

When we were done, he didn’t roll off of me like he normally would of, instead, he rolled over, taking me with him, until I was nestled into his side.
He leaned up for a second, unwinding his arm from around me to grab for a blanket at the end of the bed. Pulling it back up around us. “You mean everything to me Jes.” He said softly, causing tears to form in my eyes. “You know that right?”
I threw my arms around him, pressing up against him as hard as I could. I felt like I should be saying the same thing to him, telling him how much he meant to me; but when I looked up and saw the smile on his face - I knew he already knew.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Home - Michael Bubble


It felt surreal, like the slow motion part of a movie; everything had stopped. I should have been flying, but it felt more like freefalling. Every move, every thoughts, every breath was held in time; refusing to move.

I pushed myself around the ice as fast as I could; the world moving past me in a slow blur of strange faces. Jespin was the only thing I could see.
She stood behind the bench beside Boudreaux, her eyes never leaving me as I pushed in, moving hard against the Rangers - trying to find a chink in their armour.

It was amazing the change in a couple days. In one night she had made everything better. Of course the guilt was still there, silently chipping away at me; piece by piece, each chop going deeper than the last.
Hockey had been like a band-aid against the cut; not stopping it or healing it, just something the covered it, moved it out of the forefront of my mind.
Jespin was like my own personal cure. Not something that could erase the scars, but something that could change them, contort them until they were nothing more than thin white lines.

She still didn’t know what she was to me. She had no idea the dependency I now had for her; the amount of faith and emotional baggage I was pressing upon her. She was the only thing keeping me moving; the only one keeping me alive.
I wanted to show her, pay her back for everything that she had been for me; let her see how much she meant - but there was only one thing I was ever spectacular at.
I was going to win this game, and I was going to win it for her.


The dressing room was a feeling of contagious excitement this time around. The guys were hanging from the ceiling after our shutout victory against the Rangers. In one night we had brought it back; an offensive force to be reckoned with, once again.

I could see the cup; taste it, feel it, and as much as I was driven mad with the need to conquer it - I could think of something better. She moved across the locker room, tossing out ice packs and creams to different people; none of who were able to infiltrate my mind.
It wasn’t until Jespin was sitting down beside me that I finally pulled myself into the present. “Feeling better then?” She giggled silently, causing me to chuckle as she gently pushed her shoulder into my side.

I slung my arm around her shoulders, pulling her against me tightly and pressing my lips against hers. She kissed me back timidly, leaning into me until I felt a hand slap against my head. “Media coming in…” Greener warned, glancing at Jespin as he spoke.
She gave me one last kiss on the cheek before hoping up and moving back through the room. I watched her go with sad eyes as the group of cameramen and reporters began to crowd around me, shoving tape recorders and microphones in my face.

I answered the questions hastily, trying my best to finish as quickly as possible. I knew that Boudreaux was going to make me sit through the post-game press conference anyway; but I couldn’t help but rush.
I was glad we won, extremely glad, but I also wanted to get home. Our next few days were packed with games and I knew I wouldn’t have that much free time. I needed to do something big for Jes, find something to show her how much she cared.

Once the reporters were gone from my stall, I called over Brooks. “Hey… when Kelly’s mad at you, or when you‘re just trying to do something nice, what do you do?”

“Fuck.”

I rolled my eyes at his serious response. “Ok… before the fucking… like what’s something that you would do for her?”

“Buy her jewellery, cook her dinner…” He said, finally giving me good answers.

“I can’t cook.” I muttered, wondering if there was something else I could do. I wasn’t sure she’d appreciate more jewellery; it was my fall back, after all.

He laughed loudly. “Neither can I but… that’s not the point. Even if you suck at cooking… it’s ’the thought that counts’!” He quipped, laughing again. “Girls eat that shit up…”

I nodded slowly, wondering how she’d react to that. Jespin wasn’t a materialistic kind of girl; maybe she’d appreciate it if I did something myself.
I sighed, pushing myself off the bench as Boudreaux came through the door, signalling at me. I was going to need to give this more though and figure something out, and soon; before the push for the cup came in full force.