#56 - Ally

Allow me to apologise for how choppy this update is. After rearranging some things, I was left with three little pieces of a story. I twisted them to make them fit together... please forgive the writing in this one lol.

What I Cannot Change - LeAnn Rimes
(Amazing video btw… if you don’t normally watch them, you should check this one out).

I hung up the phone, just as the sun started to pour in through the window of my room.
Keisha was beside me, sleeping soundly on my bed. I grinned as I laid my phone down on the bedside table; rolling over as I breathed a sigh of relief.
Just one phone call, just hearing his voice and being able to laugh along with him could change so much.

Of course I would have to deal with repercussions later. It was like the last day all over again; but now I would be left waiting, wondering when the next time I talked to him would be, and what kind of emotional state I would be in whenever it happened.

I allowed my mind to wander to Sidney, wondering what I was going to do… what could I do?
What do I do when I can’t change the world around me?

I didn’t want to be that girl anymore; the girl that used her friend as a safety net. It wasn’t fair to put him through this, to allow us to both look over the fact that this relationship was one of convenience and not love.
Maybe being alone would be the best thing for me. Maybe having to face the pain head on would help me move through it faster.

Anyone who’d lost their love knew that time doesn’t heal; not at all. But we do survive and we do move on. We get up each morning and know that even if we’re sitting in the gutter, when we look up, we can still see the stars.
Even if they’re farther away then before, they still exist, they’re still there.

Sidney would thank me for this, eventually. It was going to hurt at first, for both of us; but eventually he would have the opportunity to find someone that deserved him.
Someone that would be able to love him back, selflessly; someone that wouldn’t put him second.


So it was settled. Regardless of the fact that I would never have the person I wanted; I would no longer keep Sidney from his… even if he hadn’t found her yet.
Keisha sighed beside me and opened her eyes. “Off the phone finally?” She yawned, stretching her arms out above her head.

“Yah… just.” I grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Back together now?”

I bit my lip and gave her a small smile. “No. We’re still done but… I did finally figure out what I’m gonna do about Sidney…”

“Oh?”

I nodded slowly. “I’m gonna tell him that I just can’t… it’s just not fair to either one of us. I can’t even do the physical stuff anymore. It needs to be done, he needs to find someone better.” I sighed, fluffing the pillow underneath me. “It’s gonna suck… a lot, not having him to take my mind off of it, but it has to be done. I know that I can't change the past, or alter the future... but I can do the right thing now. That has to count for something.”

“Well, you’re a lot more selfless than I would be. I’m here for you though… you know? I can stay as long as you need… or you can come back to Washington with me… either way, you don’t have to do this alone.”

“Thank Keisha…” I giggled, rolling onto my back. “It’s nice to know I have a true ally.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I Need You Now - Lady Antebellum


It had taken me all of five minutes to realize that I needed to go back to the USA. I suppose that I had subconsciously been planning a trip back ever since I heard her voice on the phone a few weeks ago; but now it was real, decided.

I told Masha I was going back, not why, but I assumed she could tell. Whether or not she actually cared, I wasn’t sure.
She knew why Jespin left and I supposed she didn’t think that anything would be able to change her mind. I wasn’t sure either, I just knew that I had to try.
I couldn’t figure out my reasoning for going back, other than the fact that I had to do something, anything.

The guys were surprised to see me back; figuring that I wouldn’t show my face again, not after the awards. They probably assumed that I was going to hide in Russia until training camp - which wasn’t far off from my original plan.

“So when are you gonna go see her?” Greener asked I sat with some of the boys at a small diner. I shrugged.

“I don’t know why you don’t just go see her now.” Brooks suggested, using his fork to cut through the apple pie in front of him.

“Cause it’s almost two in the morning, for starters…” I retorted, taking another sip of coffee. “Besides, just because I’m here doesn’t mean that I’ve worked out what I’m going to say. I don’t even know what I’m trying to accomplish…”

Brooks snorted, causing Fed, Semi and Greener to glare at him. “What?” He spat, glaring back at them. “He flew all the way here from fucking Russia, and he expects me to believe that?” He shook his head, turning his attention to me. “You want her back. So don’t sit here and pretend that you don’t know what you’re going to do. Maybe you don’t have a plan, but you know perfectly well what you want to accomplish…”

“She’s got Crosby now, it’s not that simple.”

“You’ve never let Crosby stop you before… not on the ice anyway. Now, unless you turn into some kind of pussy when you’re out of uniform, I don’t see why he’d stop you now.” He was being harsh and brutally honest, but I couldn’t deny his words.
Really, if I went and talked to her, it wasn’t like I’d screw things up worse. Crosby would probably hate me more, and she might tell me to leave - but I’d come to far to just sit here sulking.

“Brooks…” Greener started, about to tell him off for being a dick.

I shook my head, interrupting him. “No he’s right. I’m going there tomorrow… I didn’t come all this way to hang out with you losers.”

They grumbled a few insults my way, but after that, the conversation lightened considerably. It was nice to think about something else, try and put Jespin out of my mind for a few hours.

I had no idea what I was going to say to her, but I hoped that the words would come to me; as long as I didn’t lose my cool around her - which was totally possible.
As a form of chickening out, I walked away from the table for a minute, pulling out my cell phone. I wasn’t planning on tell Jes that I was here, rather, feel her out and see where he mindset was; as opposed to dropping in on her with no idea.

It wasn’t Jespin who answered though. “Umm, who’s this?”

“Is this Alex?”

“Yah…”

“Oh! Oh hi… I’m Keisha, we met before… back at the Verizon Center…” The girl said, reminding me of the day when I found out for sure that Jespin liked me.

I nodded to myself. “Right, right… umm, is Jespin there?”

“Yah…” She sighed, sounding apprehensive. “She’s kind of in the middle of something though… could I maybe get her to call you back?”

“No… it’s fine. Could I ask you something? I’m planning on going over there tomorrow to see her… do you think she’d be angry?” I pressed, worrying about her answer.

She hummed for a second before answering. “I don’t think she’d be mad, but tomorrow might be bad timing… are you going to be around on Saturday?”

“Yah… I’ll head over then. Thanks.”

“No problem, and listen. I really want things to work out for you guys so… anything I can ever do to help…”

I thanked her, happy to know that I had an ally, who also happened to be good friends with Jespin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Do I - Luke Bryan


I had done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks, about Jespin and me. I knew what I wanted, I wanted her; but more than that, I wanted her to want me too.
There was no other girl that made me feel that way that she did, and there were a lot of girls.

It wasn’t like I was a prude and didn’t notice other women; it was just the fact that Jespin was one of the few I thought was capable of really wanting me, for me; but she didn’t even want me.
I was stubborn though, and hard-headed, so I had believed if I just gave her time and hung on she’d eventually come around. Maybe I was wrong…

What if all I would ever be was Sidney Crosby the hockey player? Maybe I had spent so much time focused on becoming the best, I had missed out on all the opportunities to grow as a person. I obviously wasn’t the kind of man that I was suppose to be, if I was, then Jespin would want me.
Was Ovechkin really that much better than I was?

I sighed as I watched her walk away from me; Keisha came down the stairs hastily flipping Jespin’s phone shut, shooting apologetic glances at both of us.
Keisha and Jespin exchanged a few hushed words on the stairs before Jespin disappeared; heading off to her bedroom.

I couldn’t believe that she had just dumped me; or not even. We weren’t even together and she still thought that this was too much.
I had thought we were moving forward, there were times during the sex where it felt like she was finally into me; now I knew she was probably just imagining him. “Are you ok?” Keisha asked slowly, taking a step off the stairs and moving towards me.

“I don’t know… I guess I should be happy right? At least she’s not stringing me on but…” I shrugged my shoulders as I chuckled humourlessly, “I kinda wish she still was.”
She sat down beside me, not speaking as I ran over Jes’s words in my head at length. “I don’t think I’ll recover from this… this really sucks.”

“You’ll recover… don’t worry. You’ll find someone else who wants to be with you and you’ll still have Jes in your life. She loves you, you know? I know it’s killing her that she can’t turn it into the kind of love that you want but… she’s only ending this so that you can have a chance at happiness.”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” I asked quietly, wondering why I was confiding in a person that I hardly knew.

She shook her head quickly, laughing slightly. “Sorry…” She apologised once she saw the look on my face. “I just… I always though hockey players were suppose to be all tough and manly… not care about stuff like this…” Keisha explained hastily, looking me in the eye. “There’s nothing wrong with you Sidney, sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together… no matter how badly you want it to work out.
At least this way, you’re still able to have Jes in your life, that’s worth something right?”

I nodded, mulling over her words in my head. I knew that she was probably right, this was for the better. I might never get over Jespin fully but at least she was allowing me to move forward with my life; even if it did suck a lot right now.
“Does it ever get easier?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know… they say it does but… I don’t think that the pain ever goes away, we just become better equipped to deal with it; we get stronger over time.” She exhaled quietly, her body slumping slightly as she glanced away. “My boyfriend dumped me for my best friend in high school… I lost both of them in one swoop. I’m not saying that what I went through is any worse than what you’re going through but… I’m still here… you will be too.”

I nodded as Keisha got up and headed towards the stairs. “Hey Keisha.” I called, causing her to turn around. “I think maybe I should just stay away for a couple days but… will you tell Jes that I still care about her… and that I’m glad she did this…” She nodded, turning to leave again. “And Keisha…”

“Yah Sidney…” She smiled as she climbed the stairs.

“Thanks a lot, for understanding… I didn’t think I’d find someone else who ‘got it’, it’s nice to feel like I have an ally.”

She grinned at me as she headed up the stairs. "You have no idea how many times I've heard that lately, but you're welcome all the same."