#14 - Crazy Women

Try - Kina Grannis (It doesn‘t start till about 40 seconds in to the video)


November. It was November and Jespin was still avoiding me like the plague. I should have been ready for the snap-back into reality; should have been. I hadn’t been though, and it had stung like a bitch the next day at the arena when she walked past me like she didn‘t know me. No, not like she didn’t know me… like she despised me.
Everyone of the guys had seen what happened; they’d seen Jespin all over me, me all over her - then this. My mood was not being helped by the snide remarks either. Questions about my performance and just how badly I’d let her down.

Yes, I had taken Jespin home from the bar, back to my place; no, nothing happened. I didn’t even kiss her; not because I didn’t want it to, and not because she didn’t try - but because it didn’t feel right.
I didn’t need alcohol to get a girl into bed, and regardless of what people thought about me; I wasn’t about to take advantage of someone, no matter who they were or how badly they wanted to.
I was apparently naïve enough to think that one night could change everything; or at least change everything for the better. It didn’t though, and I could help that she was being ridiculous. And what the fuck did she even want from me?

She wanted space? I gave her space. Time? I gave her time. She wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened? I let it go - or at least stopped trying to talk to her about it. Still nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

Everybody had something to say. A moral, story, piece of advice that they felt was relevant to my situation; but no one had an answer. Not a single one.
It had been Mike’s idea to back off; but that was impossible. It was the only suggestion that I hadn’t tried - the only suggestion I wouldn’t try. I liked to think that I was normally the ‘bigger’ person; in this situation it was pretty clear that I was the one at least trying to make something happen. I, however, was not that big of a person; there was no way I was giving up.

I was loosing sleep over this girl; not just because it hurt to be shot down, but because one night had changed my thoughts on relationships.
As corny cliché as it sounded, it had felt right to have her in my arms; I just couldn’t accept that she didn’t realize it too.


“Jespin. Just talk to me!” I pleaded, for the hundredth time. Following her down the deserted corridor towards her office. “Jespin…”

“What?” She snapped, catching me off guard as she spun around, acknowledging me for the first time. She was on the verge of tears but it didn’t stop me.
Six weeks of rejection, annoyance, confusion and anger was boiling up inside of me, reaching a breaking point as she glared at me. At me.
Like this whole thing was my fault; like I’d forced her to act that way, instead of just being a bystander.
I had been planning on what to say since the morning that she left my house quickly; her delicate, oval, face blushing crimson with embarrassment once she realized where she was. I had a game plan, a list of things to verbalize once she finally spoke to me; a list that got longer everyday.
Now that I was here, standing face to face with her for the first time since that night, I couldn’t remember a single god-damn thing.

“What the fuck?” Was all I could manage to sputter, throwing my arms out to the side and staring at her in complete amazement. “Well…?” I said after a few awkward moments of silence. “Do you not have anything to say?”

“Excuse me? Do I have anything to say? You’re the one that won’t just leave me alone!” She turned away from me so fast that her hair fanned out, almost hitting me as she moved to leave. “It was a mistake!” She shouted, turning back around; angry, pleading. “A mistake…” She repeated, softer this time.
The fire was still burning in her eyes as she stared up at me, but there was something else too. She truly wanted to forget that anything had happened, and she was begging me to understand that.
I couldn’t.

A mistake? It would have hurt less if she just ran me over with a bus. I dropped my head and took a step back; trying to figure out whether or not it was really a mistake. I wanted Jespin, in the physical sense, at the very least. I knew this, but maybe she really, honestly didn’t want me.
I tried to replay that night before in my mind; she had pressed against me, wrapping her body around mine, wanting me… if I had of gone along with her once we got back to my place, I was positive she would have let me get away with anything I wanted. “No it wasn’t?” I tried to state it, like I was telling her the way it was; but it came out more like a question than anything.

She nodded, closing her eyes and looking away; stubborn and difficult like always.
Without thinking I reached out; grabbing her arms and pulling her towards me. Her eyes opened in surprise as I gripped her tightly. She didn’t try to move away but I held her firmly, just in case.
I stared at her hard, watching her plump lips open slightly; as if she was going to say something - but no words came out. I had the strongest desire to kiss her, but I shook the thought away, trying focus on finding the right thing to say.

Jespin spoke up first. “Where’s your girlfriend?” She asked quietly but crossly.

“What? I don’t know… what does that have to do with anything?” She stared at me with disbelief, rolling her eyes when I didn’t say anything else.
This time she tried to pull away, but I stopped her. “If it was just a mistake, then why do you care where she is?” I said smugly, pressing my face into the strawberry scented, black waves of her hair; inhaling.

“I didn’t say it did…” she answered softly. “It was just a question.”

I pulled my face back to meet her eyes. We stared at each other, both of us searching for something in the other one.
I couldn’t tell what she wanted; then again, I wasn’t even sure what I wanted anymore.
It was turning out that I really wasn’t ready for this conversation; I needed an out.

I let go of her arms and took a step away from her. “Just don’t ignore me anymore, it‘s screwing up my game…” I said, unable to think of anything else to say. I turned around and headed away, covering my face with my hand.



“Ovie, I hate to say this man… but you’re kind of lame now.” Brooksy said as he rooted through my fridge. “Jesus, why is there so much chicken in here? Butcher run out of woolly mammoth?” He quipped, peering up over the steel door to grin at me.

“Funny.” I grunted, laying back down on the couch. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it this past month; apparently I was moping, sulking, being a loser, lame, ’no fun’.
I sighed as I flicked through the channels, not really able to see anything. I listened to Brooksy as he continued to rummage through my kitchen. Normally I would tell him to get out, or at least stop eating all my shit; but I truly didn’t care, not now.

I felt my phone vibrate beside me and I picked it up. Masha, again. I shook my head, moving to chuck it, when I got a flash of inspiration.
Flipping the phone open I held it up to my ear. “Yah?”

“Oh, so now he answers! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! Do you have any idea-”

“It’s over.” I said nonchalantly, interrupting her before she could get into a grove with her rant.

“… what?”

“Over…” I said slowly, trying not to let the smile come through in my voice.

“Sasha! Baby… think about this… I think you just need time.” She started to croon, her demeanour completely changing. “You don’t really want that…”

“No, I’ve been thinking about this Masha. It’s done.”

“There has to be something that I can-”

I exhaled, starting to get annoyed. “Masha you don’t even like me… just get over it. Besides, I like someone else.” I added smugly; not bothering to mention that ’someone else’ was being a complete baffling bitch at the moment.
I heard Masha inhale and knew that she was about to explode. I glanced over the couch to see Brooksy staring at me; the last thing I need is to get bitch out in front of one of the guys. “Ah… gotta go.” I said quickly, hanging up the phone and turning it off in an act of complete cowardice.

“You do realize that she’s probably going to kill you now.” He said matter-o-factly.

“Yep.”

“You might have to join the witness protection program.”

“Yep.”

“Wanna get drunk?”

“Yep.” I said again, shutting off the TV and jumping over the back of the couch.



Eight Vodka’s later and I was finally starting to make sense of my situation. “I’m just gonna tell her!” I said with finality. “I mean, what’s the worse she can do? She likes me.”

“She totally likes you.”

“You saw her!”

“I did! Jespin was all about the Ovechkin lovin’.” I grinned with confidence before clinking my empty glass against Brooksy’s beer bottle. He was right, she wanted me.

“I should make some big deal about it, right?”

“Yah man! Chicks eat that shit up.” I flagged the waitress for another round of drinks before putting my head together with Brooks. We needed to come up with someone good, and big. Very big.



I heaped the boxes into the back of Greener’s car. “Do not take no for an answer Mike, you understand me?”

He nodded, giving me a smile. “It’s gonna be ok Alex, chill out.” He slammed the car door and hopped in. “We’ll see you soon, alright?”

I sighed and shook my head. It was unlike me, to be this nervous; especially where women were concerned.
Now that my intoxication had worn off; this was seeming more and more like a bad idea.

The concept of a woman actually saying no to me, had always been foreign; not possible. Nevertheless, as I watched Mike drive away from me, I couldn’t help but feel afraid. Funny that the one girl I want to say yes, is the first one I ever thought would say no…