#4 - New City Life

Piazza, New York Catcher - Belle and Sebastian
(Just want to say sorry for this post... to be honest, it's complete crap. But hey! It leads to good things... promise lol)

When I woke up Sidney was gone, but this didn’t confuse or worry me in any way. According to the clock it was a little after noon; meaning I had slept for almost twelve hours - something Sidney would never be capable of.
I felt hung-over and unclean as I unzipped myself from the twisted sleeping bag; stretching my soar, naked muscles as I stood up.

I grabbed a towel out of my bag and headed into the bathroom; turning on the shower-head and allowing the water to reach a steamy heat, before climbing in. I let out a low hiss as the water pelted my back.
Eventually the hot liquid was able to knead out the tightness through my body; clearing my head in the process.
With a new found coherence; I thought about Sidney, about what had happened last night, and about what hadn’t.
We had slept together, something I was sure would never happen; but it did and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Whenever I had thought about it before - it had always been perfect and amazing - last night was anything but. It wasn’t just that the sex had been awkward; it was the feelings afterwards, or lack there of.
I had always imagined that we would make love, and it would change everything. It would make my heart-sing, my stomach flip-flop and my soul know - without a doubt - that Sidney was meant for me. I didn’t feel any of that now.

Then again, it hadn’t been completely horrible either. It wasn’t like all of a sudden I hated Sidney and never wanted to see him again - not at all.
In fact, as awkward as last night had been, I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed of anything that had happened. My only regret was that it hadn’t been a life-altering experience; but on the other hand, it wasn’t like I was so knowledgeable in the area that I knew what it should actually be like.



Entering the kitchen I found Sidney sitting at the table, a newspaper spread out across the surface; a sandwich in his hands. “Hey… I got you some lunch. I wasn’t really sure what you’d feel up to eating though…” He mumbled into his food, avoiding my gaze.
I giggled silently at his embarrassment, as I grabbed the Styrofoam container off the counter. I walked back towards the table, gently kissing his temple as I passed; earning a grin from him. “You’re… I mean, we’re ok?” I nodded as I started scarfing down the burger and fries in front of me.

After a few minutes I could still feel his gaze lingering on me, causing me to look up at his face. His brow was furrowed in concern as he as watched me, his delicious chocolate eyes studying my every move. “Sidney… I’m great… really. I promise.” I laughed slightly, trying to take the edge out of his eyes. He nodded as the buzzer sounded.
He looked in the direction of the door, than back at me, then back at the door before getting up. He disappeared around the corner, coming back a minute later with a slight smile on his face.

“Furniture’s here, looks like you’ll get to sleep in a real bed tonight.” He said softly as he walked up to me, making way for the men that were starting to come into the kitchen; couch in tow.

“I didn’t have a problem with where I was sleeping last night…” I replied sincerely, smiling up at him as he pulled me into a hug.


“Ugh! I can’t take this anymore… why are you still sulking?” I groaned as I sat next to Sidney on my new couch.

“I am not sulking…” He pouted back, causing me to laugh at the irony in his voice. “Ok fine… maybe a bit.” He smiled slightly, glancing up at me.

“Well… what’s wrong Sid?” I asked with genuine concern as I crawled across the black leather towards him.

He sighed, reaching out for me and pulling me into his lap. “Are you sure you’re ok? I feel awful about… what I did last night…”

“You make it sound like you were you kicking puppies or something… you didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do.” I said as convincingly as I could, taking his face in my hands. “I don’t regret anything.” He nodded, draping his arms around my back and pulling me towards him. I looked up at his face; there was still worry there, but he looked appeased for now.



“Ok… I think we’re lost…” He agreed finally, causing me to laugh as we walked hand and hand down a random Washington street.

“Oh so… now you agree with me, an hour after the fact…” He shushed me, causing me to laugh again as I leaned into him; allowing him to entwine me in his arms. “Hey, look! There’s my school!” I squealed, tugging on his hand as I took off towards the giant collection of brick buildings.

“I mean… yah, this is where we were going all along… I’m not lost.” I rolled my eyes as we ran up a step of cement steps. “Hmm… pretty nice looking…” He said, nodding in approval as we headed around the stone walkway. “Do you know where you classes are yet, Dr. Lemieux?”

I groaned with exasperation as he laughed at the notion. “Please, not you too… I get enough of that from dad.”

“I just don’t get it Jes… medical school to end up in a locker-room? Why don’t you go all the way with it?”

I shrugged, trying not to get agitated over this conversation; the very conversation I’d been having with my parents for years. “I just… want to be around hockey, I guess. I could never make dad proud of me, not in the same way that Austin can… I’ll never be an NHL superstar like he was.” I sighed, coming to a halt before continuing. “This way, I can still be around it, still do good things and help make a difference… you know?”

“Jespin, your dad’s-”

“Proud of me already… I know. It just feels like a waste though… Mario Lemieux should have had a million sons, not one.” Sidney frowned, spinning me around to face him.

“Jespin…” He started softly, reaching out trace my face as he stared at me with a deep adoration in his eyes. “Don’t say that…” I gave him a small grin, shrugging it off as we continued walking again.
I could tell that he wanted to say something else, but he wasn’t sure what. When you’re the ’golden boy’, the one that everyone else is depending on; you don’t have a good understanding of what it’s like to be a let-down. “So, Mario said you get to do interning in your first year, you just going to go with a school team or…?”

“I haven’t really thought about that yet. You can apply to different places but, the program helps you too… it can put you in touch with some really great medical trainers.” Sidney nodded along with me, interlacing his fingers with mine.

“Are you excited to start?” He asked as we headed back out onto the street.

“Yah… worried and nervous too. Do you think I made a mistake? Coming here I mean…” I asked suddenly, causing him to raise his eyebrows.

“Not if this is where you want to be.” He said slowly, choosing each word with care. “I wish you were still in Pittsburgh, I wish I didn’t wait so long to tell you how I felt and… I wish that I didn’t have to go back and leave you here.… Those are my errors though, not your mistakes.” He finished, giving me a small smile.


I stood on the front step a few days later; my arms crossed over my chest as Sidney piled his luggage into the back of the Taxi. “Sidney… why won’t you just let me drive you?” I whined as he slammed the door shut.

“Cause babe, I’d rather not have to think about you driving through the city traffic… besides, you’ll be late for you dance class if you take me there. I’ll call you tonight.” He finished, dashing up the steps to where I waited. He pulled me into a tight hug and planted a kiss on my lips.
I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck as he lifted me off my feet.


I flopped down on the bed shortly after midnight; my muscles tingling with the fantastic burn that only comes from a good dance class. Sighing I rolled over, not bothering to get under the covers as I closed my eyes.
Once again, I found myself thinking about Sidney. It had been a strange week for sure; but not a bad one.
I wished I had a better understanding of where we stood, but I didn’t want to bring it up. I was almost positive that if I said anything, Sidney would feel pressured to make something more ’official’ out of what happened - and that was something I wasn’t ready to deal with.


If I wasn’t confused enough with him here, it was even worse with him gone. With school not starting until tomorrow, I had nothing to distract myself from thinking about him and what I wanted.
For some reason, I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. I was 99% sure that there were girls who would kill to be in my position, but I couldn’t make myself feel giddy or over the moon about it - at all. If I had my way, I’d be off floating on cloud nine - where I should be at this moment - but I wasn’t, I was stuck here... in the new city life that I'd chosen.